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The Idiots Guide to Going out in Anchorage: 10 NiteLife Commandments

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In light of recent bar and nightclub closings and the seemingly increasing after bar close violence, we feel we should voice an opinion. We love Alaska and Anchorage as a community… but it goes without saying that indeed we may have some idiots that live here. We at 907 might be the biggest offenders when it comes to encouraging big wild nights out and events. But we also understand moderation.

But to be constructive, its not entirely their fault… as a community, its OUR fault. Lets say for the sake of conversation “idoit” means… uhm, lets say “unpracticed”. So to make sure that our social scene continues to evolve, we have polled our followers and worked out a few sensible rules – commandments even… addressing some commonly seen “unpracticed” patron behaviors.

These are commandments that are more tribal knowledge if anything, but feel free to follow these simple codes of conduct to ensure the least annoying, most fun and socially acceptable, Anchorage nights out as possible.

So go ahead and print these pages and tape them to the wall of your room or office. It’s time everyone got the message. Below is our Idiots “unpracticed” Guide to Going out in Anchorage: 10 Nitelife Commandments.

 


Not play pool

There’s nothing more annoying than someone “Hey Bro-ing you” so that they can line up their shot amidst a crowded bar. Seriously? OK, lets put this out here, pool for all intents and purposes is cool. A couple buddies out for a few drinks, maybe a cute competitive thing with your Tinder match on a date night, we get it. Kudos. But the problem we have is when that same activity tries to exist during prime social times on Friday or Saturday night.

As a good rule of thumb, once you began to ask people to move so you can shoot… its time to wrap it up. Refresh your drink, talk to your lady, worst case… move along to the next spot. If the location you are at is not an actual “Pool Hall” then socializing takes precedence.

What we learned: If you aren’t getting paid to play, save it for another day. 



Know thy drink

Want to know the fastest way to piss off any bartender? Not knowing what you want to order when its super busy. We cant stress this more, if you are older than 21 – there isnt any reason why you shouldnt have a “go to” beer or liquor that you not only enjoy, but can order in the event your first choice is unavailable.

We’ll give you an example, we enjoy Hefeweizen if available, if not.. Coors light. Hard alcohol? Rum and Coke… no? Whisky neat.

Here’s some good rule of thumbs,
Beer – They are all relatively the same. You want something light, so in social situations you can have a few and keep it classy. Pick one. PBR? It’s cheap and trendy. Don’t be that guy asking for some specific craft beer or some European specialty, unless you know for sure they carry it. Keep it simple, keep it domestic.

Mixed drinks – Again, keep it simple. Stick with the big three. Vodka, Rum, Whiskey… Coke or Sprite. Drink or shot. Save the fancy drinks and mixes for dinner parties and specialty events. You’re holding up the line and killing someone’s buzz.

Shots – They are supposed to be quick. So keep them that way. Save the crazy mixed shots and the elaborate, drawn out, frat-boy toasts. Shuddap, drink and keep it moving.

What we learned: In this case, less in the long run… is more. 



Leaveth a tip

This is more of a requirement than a rule. THOU SHALT TIP!! And yes, we have heard the arguments and the what if’s, but the fact remains…. THOU SHALT TIP!! Bartenders and wait staff live off those tips. So regardless of their attitude and/or service, its the price you pay to play. So by the time the bartender finally sees you remember, you are the one thousandth person and your order isn’t the first and it isn’t the last time they are going to hear your jokes. Keep it light, have your id out, know what your going to order and of course Leave A Tip!!

What we learned: Never bite the hand that feeds you, nor the hand that serves you drinks. 


Honor-thy-Bar
Honor thy Bar

Everyone has a different reason why they go to specific places. Maybe its a pilots bar or your friend is a bartender there. Maybe, they just have great french fries. Whatever the reason… respect it. There’s nothing more frustrating than standing behind Miss “everywhere and everything is so much better everywhere else“. Really? Ugh…  Look, the complaining and sneering is useless, it is what it is. But know it. Do we really wanna be like everywhere else?

Name anything and we can probably find something that is arguable better. But its not like you didn’t know that before you came out. The point of going out in Anchorage is to have fun and make the most out of what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. Your complaining wont book Calvin Harris at First Tap or make them play music at F Street or encourage the Buckaroo to carry Glenlivet in their well.

What we learned: The grass in this case is not greener, just different.



Expect to get spilled on in a crowded bar

This one should be the most obvious and self-explanatory, ITS A CROWDED BAR!! For most, Friday and Saturday night in Anchorage is social time. Most people have the weekend off, which means more people are out. So literally everyone is getting out to eat and drink, dance and unwind. And considering our most popular spots are small and densely populated around 10:30 pm… you should know what your getting into.

We cant count how many times we’ve seen the angry guy or girl standing in the middle of a packed dance floor, upset that their new white shoes are scuffed or the $150 shirt you picked up from Blush Boutique today has a very decorative vodka cranberry draped over it. The bar is a public space, and that space belongs to everyone and yes… even the drunk ones. But expecting drunk people not to act drunk is like expecting a pig not to play in the mud.

What we learned: Don’t wear things you don’t want ruined out. If this happens and you want to fight someone… fight yourself. 



Deodorize

Here’s to you Mr. “I just finished a 5k and I’m meeting some buddies for a beer” or Miss, “its such a nice day lets bar-b-q and bonfire, and go to the bar after”. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own skin, were just saying wash it first. Maybe get a quick shirt change in? We’d even settle for rubbing yourself down with some Secret. We are aware that we live in Alaska and we are not trying to start a fashion debate. We simple are stating that a crowded bar already has the tendency to become… well, ripe with odors on its own and we don’t need any additional flavors to the pot.

Just be considerate to the idea that on this day, not everyone shares your appreciation for your “earthy” aroma. And last but not least. Yes – you, Mr. Dance Dance Revolution. We adore your commitment to your art, but its OK to sit one or two out. If you are dancing so hard you start to sweat, its time to jet.

What we learned: Respect that its a public space. Dont be that guy.


Pick-Up-Lines
Saveth thou pick up lines

OK hey… we’re not blaming you, she is pretty. And you can make an argument that in this light, it does appear that she is looking at you. But here’s what we know, if a women wants something… she’ll let you know. So save the pick up lines and the free shots. We understand that its common to meet other potential single people out at bars, but to keep things simple – stick to what you know. Approaching groups of girls in hopes of snagging one of them is pointless and not classy. Don’t be the douchey dude that tries and fails and tries again, let it go. There are plenty of ways and opportunities to connect, a pack bar is not one of them. Then again, if you got it… by all means. But fellas, if the ladies say no… it means just that, NO.

What we learned: Keep it classy Anchorage.



Not request the DJ to play a song

Contrary to popular believe, the DJ is a paid professional with working knowledge of his equipment and craft. The point of appointing a DJ is that he or she already knows your favorite song and will play it. Without a doubt, this is a DJ’s worst nightmare and is probably their biggest pet peeve. Do not walk up to their booth and request a song!!! The DJ has a systematic system of getting to that song when its time. Also, just because its your birthday and its “your” favorite song, doesn’t mean its everyone else’s.

Look, if we could we… we’d probably request the whole Taylor Swift “1989” album front to back on repeat… but that might not be everyone else’s jam. (Although we cant see how its not, have you heard the thing? Seriously, so cray!)  But we understand that the DJ has a job to do… and Anchorage actually has some really talented ones!! Seriously. So bump your jams while you’re getting ready or on the drive over, and let the DJ take over once you get in the door.

What we learned: That Tswifty album doe? Jams. Seriously. 


remember-your-twenties
Remember thy twenties

Even if you are the new guy, we hope you won’t stay one for very long. But everyone remembers being 21! Everything is new… you’re just so happy to be out!! Whooooo!! Here’s how we see it, going out years in Anchorage are equivalent to dog years. By the time you’re 26 you’re pretty much an old grandpa man, well some of us.  But its easy to forget that those screaming group of girls, or the cologne wearing group of dudes in the corner… they used to be you some short years ago.

Let the kids have their fun, and know that we outgrow some places and grow into others. But with that being said… being 21 doesnt give you the right to act like a jackass either. Know that we still live and work and raise children in this town. Respect it. So that means, obeying laws and people in authority positions. Not kicking cones or destroying city decorations or planted flowers and trees. Its up for us to set the standard for which we want our city to represent. With that, Party on!

What we learned: Tomorrows coming, so be on your best behavior.  


Drink-responsibly
Drink responsibly

This one is simple and probably the most important. BE SAFE. If you’re going to drink, don’t drive. And if you’re going to drive, don’t drink.  Know your limits, look out for each other, and learn to handle your disagreements non violently. One thing that we forget in celebration is that not one singular moment is more important than the rest of our lives. If we learn to moderate ourselves, we can continue the celebration of the things we care about the most.

What we learned: This is the last time we are drinking, ever.

 

Did you enjoy our list? Do you have some commandments of your own? Have you broken one of our commandments? What did you do?
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Phillip Crawford

Content creator and video/photographer for 907Life.com You can follow Phillip on Twitter and Instagram - @phillip907